I'm getting a new Schnocker!

Went to the doctor and he confirmed what I already had known. Time to operate! Although the process was a lot easier than I thought. No x-rays, no MRI, just a nice look into my nostrils with a flashlight that could have blinded me. “You have a deviated septum, a bone spur, (insert other stuff he said about the tissue in the other side of my nose needing to be taken out here). Don’t worry, it won’t change the external shape of your nose (Damn. I was so hoping he'd be willing to partake in insurance fraud), so let’s set you up an appointment for surgery”. My kind of doctor. No waiting, no fuss, no extra appointments, no mess…at least until the day of surgery when ungodly amounts of snot and blood will drip from my nose.

So on November 10th I’m going under the knife for a septoplasty turbinectomy combo. Basically I have the pleasure of getting parts of my nose taken out and shifted around so that I can finally breathe properly. But this means the days of showing off my trick nostril are gone. I’ll miss my nights of having a few too many drinks and trading weird human body tricks with strangers…. no more gathering air through my nose and showing these people how my right nostril gets sucked inside. I’ll just have to use my few days off of work to discover a new talent to share with the world.

I’m going to be incredibly happy when I can finally breathe through both nose holes. I’m just not looking forward to sleeping upright for two weeks then having splints pulled out of my nostrils. I slammed my nose in a door once and ended up having to get my nose packed. When they pulled the packing out I swear some of my brains came along with it. Awesome head rush though…nothing like a little pain and cold air to the brain to get the endorphins going.

Oh left side of my nose, you haven’t worked in so long and I know you’ve been feeling neglected. So get ready! Your day to shine is just around the corner.